Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Undecided Voters

I have never understood how anybody can get to this stage of an election and still be undecided. What would help these people make a decision - cash? A gun to the head? A lap dance?

David Sedaris doesn't get it, either.

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

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