Wednesday, May 27, 2009

No, Bill, you can't marry a duck

Last time we heard from Bill O'Reilly on the unintended consequences of same-sex marriage, he was arguing that if two women are allowed to marry each other, the next thing you know a person would be allowed to marry a turtle.

Now, continuing his march through the animal kingdom, Billo says that if same-sex marriage is legalized, then waterfowl will be next on the list of interspecies nuptials.

If the California Supreme Court had allowed the gays to marry, then anybody could have gotten married. You could have married a duck because it would have been equal protection. And you can always explain, 'look, I want to marry three women or I want to marry two guys because I'm in love, this, that, and the other thing. That was always the legal problem with opening the door."
Okay, let's take this slow.

No, Bill. If two people of the same gender have the right to get married, a person would not gain the right to marry a duck.

A duck, like a turtle, does not have legal standing to enter into a contract. And, that is what marriage is. It is a legal agreement, a contract, between two people. If a duck could even be made to comprehend what a contract is, how would it sign its name to the marriage license, Bill? By grasping a ball point its pin feathers?

Gay marriage will not lead to interspecies marriage. Period.

How does the highest-rated personality on cable news continue to get away with making arguments that wouldn't escape ridicule in a bar at 1:30 in the morning?

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