Bless you, boys!

If you're a Republican, there are several paths to earning yourself an official Terror Warrior® merit badge. You could, of course, join a branch of the United States military (there are several to choose from) and dedicate many, if not all, of the remaining years of your life to actual combat against whichever nations and peoples The Leader decides must be destroyed.

However, if proving yourself on the field of battle is not your particular cup of decaf, there are numerous other methods that have received the stamp of approval from Republicans of all ages, shapes and sizes. You could:

• Attend college or graduate school;


• Write hit pieces on Democrats for right-wing blogs;


• Leave comments disparaging Democrats on right-wing blogs;


• Get drunk at the annual conference of the College Republicans or the Young Americas Foundation

And if those bars aren't quite low enough for you to skip over, well, there's always the Romney Family Method of Terror Warrior Achievement:

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney on Wednesday defended his five sons' decision not to enlist in the military, saying they're showing their support for the country by "helping me get elected."

[...]

"The good news is that we have a volunteer Army and that's the way we're going to keep it," Romney told some 200 people gathered in an abbey near the Mississippi River that had been converted into a hotel. "My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard."

He added: "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

[...]

The woman who asked the question, Rachel Griffiths, 41, of Milan, Ill., identified herself as a member of Quad City Progressive Action for the Common Good, as well as the sister of an Army major who had served in Iraq.

"Of course not," Griffiths said when asked if she was satisfied with Romney's answer. "He told me the way his son shows support for our military and our nation is to buy a Winnebago and ride across Iowa and help him get elected."

I guess some people are just impossible to please.

Of course, if you think about it, Ms. Griffiths' bitterness suggests yet another path to Republican Terror Warrior® achievement, even if your daddy doesn't happen to be a superrich hairdo in a three-thousand-dollar suit running for president - subjecting yourself to the scorn of people whose families are making actual sacrifices in the Epic Battle of Civilizations. One conceivable problem with this method is the inability to look at your soft, puffy face in the mirror... but that's only a danger if you fail to sear away every last remnant of your conscience, and in my experience, this is not a problem for most Republicans.