More brilliantly simple answers to complex problems

The whole world was awed by President Bush's solution to the conflict raging between Israel and Lebanon/Hezbollah. Like Alexander hacking through the Gordian Knot, our Great Leader declared,

"The irony is, what they really need to do is to get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit, and it's over,"

The elegance of the solution is pure genius. Just cut it out. Whatever the problem, just say "no," to quote a similar policy from a more innocent time.

The brilliance of Bush's solution to violence in the Mideast has been so well-received that whitehouse.org has released a list of previously unheard statements from the president with solutions for problems ranging from AIDS to wildfires to hunger in the poorest nations on earth.

ON STARVATION IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA: "What them African babies need to do is wipe the blowflies out of their eyes and start cracking open some cans of Campbell's Chunky and shit and then they're full!"

ON POVERTY: "What somebody's gotta do is get poor folks to get better brokers and invest heavily in sure-thing stocks and it's over!"

ON BIRTH DEFECTS: "What doctors need to do is tell fetuses to stop sprouting extra arms and flippers and shit out of their faces, and then it's over!"

ON WILD FIRES: "What they gotta do is invent flame-retarding trees and shrubs and grass and shit so they stop catching fire all the time and it's over!"

And it doesn't stop there! Click here for more wisdom!

Remember, Americans: we must never take our eyes off of Great Leader. He will show us the way.